Fighting for Love
by TheSpecters
Summary: Harvey ends up fighting to keep his licence after someone from his past comes back to try and disbar him. Only one person can save him, but will that lead to old wounds being re-opened and revelations that change lives. An alternative ending to the aftermath of Donna kissing Harvey in S7.
1. Chapter 1

_A/N – I've had this idea in my head for a while, but you will have to bear with me as I try and navigate this story as it will be my first multi-chapter fic. I am however looking for someone who may want to bounce some ideas I have for this fic. If your interested please message me, it would really help me out._

It's days like today when he missed her. Having won a big case albeit questionable as to how they won but Harvey Specter pulled through like he normally does and has done for his clients for years. He sits in his office, glass of McCallan 18 in his hand, staring out at the cubical that once was hers. As the liquor burns the back of his throat, he reminisces the days they would celebrate a big win; listening to his fathers' music, drinking whiskey and talking about anything and everything.

Things were different now, have been for nearly three years. He now goes home to a woman, who will have dinner ready and will ask him about his day. They will celebrate, by having a passionate night in bed together, for her it will be 'love making'. For him, he will be replacing her face with the only woman he knows he should be with.

The next day Harvey and Paula are sat having breakfast when Paula begins to broach the topic of them setting a date again. The last time she bought this up it didn't end well. She started over analysing him and he was afraid she would see right through it. Harvey may have put a ring on her finger but that was only because she wanted it or more insisted it. For the first year and a half his excuse was that they should enjoy being engaged, and plan the big day during that time. It then turned into an argument over his commitment issues to which he would go straight to bed and the topic wouldn't be spoke of for another couple months.

Underneath it all, she knows why he won't commit, but she pushes that out of her mind like a bad memory.

"Harvey, if we don't have this talk now, when are we going to set a date?"

"Tonight, I promise we will talk about it. I have a really important meeting so I really need to shoot off."

They both know tonight will never come. Harvey heads on his way to the firm, not before giving Paula a quick kiss to appease her questioning gaze. As he gets into the elevator and hits the 50th floor button he starts to think of her. He doesn't know why but recently he can't help but think of her more. Maybe it's all the talk of marriage. He never thought he would end up with anyone but her and maybe that's the reason he's been putting off his marriage to Paula for so long.

He shakes his head at the thought, she's never coming back. She made that clear in her letter to him. Heck she's even cut off all of her friends, never hearing from her again after the night she left. Which has led to the rift that once used to be between Louis and Harvey appear ever since she left. The glue that held the family together was no longer around. Was he to blame for this? In his head, he is the only one responsible for what happened three years ago. The four walls of his office and the cubical outside remind him of what he has lost and why he lost it.

He walks the long way to his office, walking past her old office the one that is now occupied by another COO. No one can replace her, but they had to find a replacement. Once she left, the value of her work was recognised and they needed a COO to function.

He stops for a moment outside her office, empty awaiting the now COO to start her day. He wonders where she is, what she's doing and if she's happy and safe. He thought it would be fine, he could keep tabs on her through Mike and Rachel or Louis. But no, she hasn't spoken to them since she left letters on their desks, respecting her wishes to never be contacted or for them to contact her family.

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"Amelia Claire Paulsen, if you do not get up this second for Nursery, we will be late, your brothers already down having breakfast."

"I up mommy." Amelia, runs down the stairs to the kitchen where her mother was finishing her bowl of porridge and completing the snacks for the twins to take to Nursery.

"Now remember, mommy has to work late tonight so grandma will pick you up from Nursery and Mommy will be home in time for bedtime okay, so be good for grandma."

"Otay" Both twins reply at the same time, mouths full of coco pops.

"Now, come on, up, we need to get ready for Nursery, I heard you guys are painting today." Donna grabs each twins arm pulling them up to get ready for the day.

"Yeah mommy we're drawing families." Henry says as they get to their room, to get their clothes on for the day.

It hits her then, families. Yes, their only two and a half but soon they will be off to school talking about their family life with their friends. Soon they will realise that most families have a mommy and daddy, but theirs doesn't. She still wonders how she's ever going to answer the questions that are inevitably going to come. How will she be able to tell them about their father.

She goes through the motions, getting them buckled in, driving them to their nursery and waving them off as their teacher takes them inside. Soon she finds herself walking into her office building, hitting the 50th floor button. Shaking the memories of the father of her children and storing them in a dark place in the back of her mind. She steps of the elevator, stops to look at her name on the wall and heads towards her office to start her day.

Donna never thought her life would turn out the way it has. Somewhere along the road back when she worked for Harvey, she would dare to dream of them being a couple, married even, maybe with kids. Those were the darkest days, wine in hand on her sofa thinking about what their life could have been. Maybe if she didn't have that stupid rule in place, they could have been all that, but deep down she knew he wasn't ready.

To some extent she wished she had resigned a long time ago, she knew becoming an actress was a pipe dream but maybe if she hadn't followed Harvey to Person Hardman at the time, she may have made it to Broadway.

But now, regrets are not what she dwells on as her life may not be perfect here, but she wouldn't change it for the world. The owner of her own corporate events company in London and juggling two beautiful children with the help of her mother is her life. Yes, her life could easily be better. But Henry and Millie complete her world enough to fill that void.

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Harvey is packing up for the day, ready to face the discussion he has been putting off for too long. With a heavy sigh he puts his laptop in his bag, stretching towards some paperwork he's taking home with him to review for a case that's landed on his desk. When he eyes a shadow of a figure on the floor near the door.

"I'm glad I caught you before you left. I just wanted to present you with this."

A sudden sound of papers slapping the desk could be heard in the calm of the office.

"See you in Court Harvey Specter, you have well and truly been served."


	2. Chapter 2

_A/N: I wanted to just thank you all for the positive response to this story. Hope you enjoy another Chapter. I have outlined the next coming Chapters; it will ramp up pretty quickly after this one. I have slightly twisted the S8 storyline to fit the concept of this story. _

_Flashback _

He reaches the airport, frantically looking for her through the crowd of people. A panic attack brimming within him, sweat forming on his forehead as he tries to stop her from leaving the city. He runs from one end of the check in desks to the other, in a failed attempt to catch her.

She's gone he thinks, wiping the sweat from his brow, she's finally left him for good. He had pushed her to this point, he was the one to blame. Now he can't even find her to beg her to come back.

He turns to leave, as he picks his head up to head for the exit, he sees notices her. A trolley cart in hand a few large suitcases stacked while she's looking up at the departures board trying to navigate her check in desk and gate number whilst trying to fish for her passport.

He's stuck, he had so much prepared that he wants to say to her. He's been treating her like a stranger since that night. He's pushed her to this, and now he's being a coward once again when it comes to expressing his feelings.

He's still staring at her when her eyes find his. She could sense him, she's always been able to do that, but she didn't realise he was right in front of her.

She quickly looks away, checking her desk number once more and starts to push her cart towards it.

That's when he reacts, he rushes after her, calling her name trying to get in front of her to stop her walking away from him.

"Donna, stop please…. Please just listen to what I have to say." He's panting from running in and out of the sea of people to try and catch up to her.

"Harvey, please just let me go, I have nothing to say to you anymore." She says with a sigh eyes down scared to look up at him. She knows if she looks him in the eye, her heart will take over her mind and she won't go.

"You resigned." He points out the obvious.

"It's for the best Harvey. I can't take it; I can't face you anymore. So, let me go." She finally looks up to him eyes brimming with unshed tears.

"I'm sorry, I know I was acting out. I was much a part of what happened that night as you were, I am aware I've been laying all the blame in your direction. But if you hadn't kissed me it would have been fine. Paula…."

"Stop, we have been working together for thirteen years. In all that time I have watched you pick up girls, be with Scotty or take Louis' sister out and every time it has knocked me back for six. I always wished you would just open your eyes and see me. I was a fool. Kissing you that night, I needed to know. What happened after that kiss tells me everything I needed to know, but here we are back to square one. You're the biggest coward I've ever met, you know. Instead of fighting for me, you're still trying to justify your actions. I am done Harvey, I can't do this, I can't watch you go on with her and let my heart break each and every day." She takes a steady breath, wiping the tears that have spilled over. A weight lifting of her chest. He may not be able to tell her how he feels but she's made herself loud and clear.

"Congratulations by the way. I've always wanted to see you happy. I hope she makes you happy. I wish you both nothing but well. Now if you'll excuse me.."

"Donna, don't go…" He reaches to taken her hand, but retracts his arm once he realises what he was about to do.

"No. You can't have it both ways Harvey. I'm not asking you to choose, I am simply removing myself from whatever this is." She waves her hand between them.

"Please don't try and get in touch with me or ask anyone where I am. I haven't told anyone where I'm going so please don't go fishing for information. I want to move on with my life. I can't be around you." She gives him a look of defeat, tears streaming down her face, he's done it. He's finally pushed her away for good.

"Good bye Harvey, I hope you finally let yourself be loved."

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_Present time_

Staring at the papers in his hands, he wants to run to the only person that would tell him everything will be fine and that they would find a way out of this situation. But she's not here, he let her leave.

He knocks his head back with a small laugh, this is the end, it's finally all caught up to him. He might be able to find a way out of this but he doesn't see one right now. Harvey picks up the documents once again. An ethics hearing, calling into question his integrity over a case he handled for one of his clients a few years ago. He remembers this deal very well. Greystone Construction, an old client of his was looking to merge with the city's biggest construction business Carling Constructions.

Greystone construction tried to play them into making an offer when they took their business elsewhere and offered a new up and coming construction industry with the offer to merge. Thomas Kessler Design and Construction was Louis' brand-new client.

As Jessica had just left the firm, and with Harvey having become managing partner, Louis encouraged him to put them back on the map with a charity fundraiser.

That's where he met Thomas, and Thomas' then girlfriend now wife Scottie. Scottie being Scottie, warned Harvey of no funny business with the deal as it meant a lot to Thomas and subsequently her. So, when he heard this deal was going south and Scottie got wind of some of the finer details of her boyfriend's deal, she confronted Harvey about it, and he let it slip that Grey Construction was playing Thomas. Donna had heard all of this and told Harvey he better fix it, for all the times he's disappointed Scottie, he needed to pull through this time for her.

Before he could fix the deal, Thomas pulled out and Carling Construction and Greystone Construction merged, but the owner of Greystone fired Harvey shortly after Thomas put out an article in the journal. He knew he had broken privilege at the time by telling Scottie about what was going on. But she's a lawyer she would have found out anyway.

He didn't think it would come back to bite him in the ass three years on, Harvey tried to smooth things over as he knew something like this could have him disbarred. Harvey looks down at his phone, he needs to call Mike but thinks better of it looking at the time and with Rachel well into her third trimester he didn't want to disturb them tonight. So, he sent Mike a text and left for the evening.

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As he walked the hallway of his condo and into his spacious living room, Paula was sat on the couch waiting for him. Glass of red wine in hand a displeased look on her face.

"I thought we would talk tonight, but clearly your avoiding the topic Harvey."

"Look, its been a long day can we not leave this for now. I'm tired."

"No, I'm tired of waiting for you to actually make a commitment to me."

"We're engaged is that not enough for you!" He raises his voice at her, sick of this back and forth.

"It's not anymore Harvey, we've been engaged for three years, we should have been married by now maybe even had a child. I'm not getting any younger…"

"That's enough… Look I'm sorry for not coming home on time and talking to you. Something at work has come up which has been stressed. We will talk, let me just handle things at work."

"It's always work, you always use work as an excuse. Next time you're not getting out of this. I want to set a date soon. You may not have noticed but I have. People have started to talk."

"Who gives a shit about what people think." Harvey runs his hands through his hair.

"I DO! Harvey… please it's not that hard."

"I'm going to bed, goodnight." He walks off in a huff towards the bathroom. Starting up the shower he gets under the spray hands on the tiles in front of him in defeat. Each day the arguments with Paula get worse, he doesn't know how long he can keep doing this. What he can't seem to tell her is that he can't marry her, or that he won't marry her. He can only see himself marrying one woman and he let her go.

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Donna is wiping down the counters, having put the twins to bed for the night, stuck in her own thoughts about her earlier conversation with the pair about their father.

It had all come up from the family portraits they had been doing in their nursery class the day before. Having worked late so that she could take the weekend of to be with her children, she worked late leaving Clara to look after the children for the night.

She's been scrubbing the same part of the surface, with one question continuing to wiz through her brain.

"Mommy, Ella asked where my daddy was on my drawing. I swaid don't have a daddy just a mommy. Ella swaid everwone has a mommy and daddy. Do we hawe a daddy?"

She was numb, she simply didn't know how to answer this question. How could she break her children's hearts by telling them that, yes, they have a daddy but their daddy doesn't want to be in their life. How can she explain to them that she tried. She tried to reach out to him from the moment she found out about them, but he never acknowledged any of it.

So she thought about telling them a lie, in hopes that one day they will understand that she was protecting them. Protecting them from heartbreak, from insecurity. She would tell them, their daddy lived in another country and couldn't come out to see them as he's a very busy man, but he loves them very much. But by the time she had come back to reality and went to answer their question the twins were out for the count.

As she moves along the counter, she knocks some un-opened post on the floor. She quickly bends to pick it up, the one on top marked as private and confidential. She notices it has an air mail stamp in the right-hand corner. Intrigued she opens it and reads the document that is neatly folded in the envelope. The colour from her face drains, and the document falls from her hand. But before she can even process what she's just read, she hears her boy crying from the baby monitor and the letter drops out of her shaking fingers as she attends to the cries.


	3. Chapter 3

_A/N – Thank you for the continued support on this story. Hope you enjoy. _

Twenty-four hours after reading the letter, she finds herself sat waiting, waiting to go back to a place she thought she'd never go back to. A place that has memories of him, and of the life she once lived. Apart from the small trip she had to make in the early months of her move to London due to her father suddenly passing away from a heart attack. She would shudders at the thought of ever going back to the place she once called home.

With Henry is sleeping on her lap and Millie is playing with another child in the departure lounge, she thinks about the letter and how their weekend has gone from being quite family time, to waiting for a flight to New York.

She had settled the twins, Henry having a nightmare waking Millie up in the process. She rushed back to re-read the letter that had fallen from her hands. It was a subpoena, calling her to the stand in an ethics hearing that was calling into question the integrity of non-other than her former boss Harvey Specter. To say she didn't know what to do in that moment was an understatement. How did they know where to find her? How was she now in a position where she has no choice but to face the man, she once called her best friend.

She peeks down at the little boy in her lap, smoothing over his dirty blonde hair and bending down to place a kiss on his temple before the flight attendant announced it was time to board, and she looked over to her mother who was collecting Millie from her new found friend and gathering their belongings and she hoisted Henry up on her hip. This is it, no turning back now.

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_Flashback _

Louis had just left her office; she was taken back by his words and how much she could relate to how he was feeling, making her reflect her own situation. Then it all happened in a blur, the man she was thinking about strides into her office and without thinking twice and in a dazed state she kisses him. The man she has barely touched in 13 years, is in her arms. At first, she thought this was a one-way street her kissing him but after a moment he kissed her back, running his tongue against her upper lip requesting access to her mouth.

They pulled back, looking into each other's eyes, Donna pleading him with her eyes to show her what she's known for a long time. Harvey looking for confirmation. All it takes is a nod from her for Harvey to pull her into his office next door, kisses and feverish hands roaming each other's bodies.

She pulls his tie off and flings it across the room while his hands come to rest upon her butt and pulls her closer taking her in for another searing kiss. He pulls back but attacks her neck next, kissing his way down her chest, like a man on a mission. This wasn't going to be some quick fuck. This was a connection of two souls.

In no time their clothes were scattered across his leather couch and they had found themselves on the floor, Donna resting on top of Harvey exhausted as he stroked her back lazily, both catching their breaths. Harvey pulled her closer and for a second they forgot the world outside his glass office.

It wasn't until his phone rang that they parted, he went to pick up the call and instantly everything came back to him. What had he just done, his girlfriend is calling him and he's just cheated on her with the woman she's convinced is coming between them.

He grabbed his clothes and threw her dress at her before quickly getting dressed and leaving her in his office. He didn't utter a single word but Donna being Donna knew, what they had just done has led him to become the one thing he never wanted to, a cheater.

From that moment on their friendship was well and truly over. Harvey began ignoring her, he wouldn't show it in front of anyone. He was polite and kind when anyone was present but as soon as it was just them. He would lash out at her, it was like he had made it his personal mission to make her life miserable.

"I need this report on my desk before close of play tonight, I don't care how you get it done. You get it done." Harvey slams down the file in his hands.

"Harvey, you can't keep treating me like this we need to talk."

"We have nothing to talk about, all the times, you had to make your move you chose now."

"I've already told you, I had to know."

"Do you."

"Do I what Harvey."

"Do you know. Or were you trying to prove something."

"I wasn't trying to prove anything."

"Well you're not the one who's having to lie."

"You were as much a part of what happened the other night as I was and I haven't asked you to lie, you're choosing not to tell her. How can you keep blaming me for this. You pulled me into your office, or have you forgot that part."

"You are to blame, if you hadn't have kissed me none of this would have happened. I proposed to Paula last night and she doubted me, I thought she'd be happy but she thinks it's coming from somewhere."

"You….. What."

"God it really does look like you've lost your edge. I thought you'd know." He scoffs.

He'd had Louis, Alex and Samantha congratulate him this morning. Louis knew as he caught Harvey with his jeweller in his office a few days prior. He thought by now Donna would have found out. Or at least hoped she would.

That night, Donna didn't see a way back from this, what she felt that night and the way Harvey was with her, she hasn't been able to shake it from her mind. She's not one to beg, he's made his choice.

No amount of alcohol was numbing the pain she felt from the news she had heard that day. She had to come up with something, she couldn't stand being in the same room as him and Harvey was making her life hell at work. She knew she deserved it but, how did their 13 year friendship come down to this.

Now she had to watch the only man she has truly loved marry another woman.

She didn't sleep that night, coming up with her next move. The following day she arrived early, she knew he wouldn't be in so she did what she needed to do and left.

She had resigned, effective immediately. No word to anyone, just a simple letter on Harvey's desk confirming her resignation and a separate letter for him to read in private. The firm would start the work day without their COO.

Harvey was livid when he found her resignation on his desk, how dare she run after everything she had done. He was punishing her because he thought she deserved it. In his head he knew it was wrong, wrong of him to put the sole blame on her for that night. He's the one who took her into his office and made love to her. He just needs to feel better about his actions, but in his mind, it's confirmed his doubts. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree he thinks.

He couldn't bring himself to read the letter she had left him, all he could think about was the fact that this is it, she has finally had enough of his bullshit. She left him. After a long day of questions from Louis and Samantha on Donna's whereabouts, he called a meeting and broke the news to them. Louis was livid, he blamed Harvey, because of course it must have been something he had done that finally led her to leave. That night after his fifth drink, curiosity got the better of him and he ripped open the envelope and began reading.

_Dear Harvey, _

_I'd like to start with apologising for my actions from that night, I wish I could take it all back now that I know how it has ended. I put my needs above yours and I am sorry for being so selfish. You have every right to hate me, I hate myself more than you know. I don't owe you an explanation for kissing you and everything that happened after that but, it will ease me knowing you know why…_

_Louis came to me, distraught over Sheila choosing to be with another man when the perfect man was right in front of her, and he would have to watch them have the life he wanted with her, from a distance for the rest of his life. It made me realise that I have been fooling myself all these years. That you were the one for me, and that stupid rule I had in place was to protect me from falling for you but I ended up falling for you anyway. That I had to now watch you, give the best version of yourself to someone else. _

_But that being said, your happy with Paula and that makes me incredibly happy to see you so happy and I wish you well. I hope you build the life and family you've always meant to have with her. _

_However, it pains me to say I cannot be a part of that life; I am not strong enough to watch you build a life with another woman, a life I wish you were wanting to build with me. See, when I asked for more, that more was to be with you. But that night you asked me if I wanted a promotion instead of asking me if I wanted a relationship with you, so I agreed that, that's what I wanted. I guess I know now that what you really didn't want was a life with me. I was foolish to believe we ever had a shot. _

_So, with a heavy heart I must move on, and forget you. I love my job, I love the firm and I will miss it dearly, but I can't stand to be in the same room as you anymore Harvey. I don't know where I am going or what I am going to do. But promise me you will never come looking for me. Give your relationship with Paula that shot. _

_I love you Harvey, always have, always will. _

_Goodbye _

_Donna _

He found her at the airport, begged her to stay. But it wasn't enough.

He will be the first to admit that he was a coward in that moment. He could have easily told her that she's the one, the one who he's meant to be with. He could have told her that he would end it with Paula, that he wanted to give them a chance. But despite the fact that he was losing her for good, he continued to think it was better he let her go. Letting her go meant he couldn't hurt her anymore.

What he didn't know was that not fighting for her hurt her the most.

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_Present time _

"Harvey, I'm coming up empty here, they really have got us. Maybe you can speak to Scottie. Get Thomas to back out."

"I doubt she's going to want to do me a favor after how things were left after that deal. Plus Thomas has been looking for a way to get back at us for the deal going south. Hardman's served it on a silver platter for him." Harvey pinched the bridge of his nose.

"We can at least try Harvey."

"Well I've just received the list of who's being called to the stand by opposing council. You're going to want to see this." Rachel walks in abruptly interrupting the duo.

Mike takes the piece of paper from Rachel and scans it, the usual suspects from both Greystone Construction, and Thomas Kessler Construction are on the list but Mikes heart stops when he gets to the name at the bottom.

"Mike, why does it look like you've seen a ghost. Here let me see." Harvey takes the document out of his hands and swiftly scans through it just like Mike did moments ago.

It feels like his hearts stopped, a feeling he hasn't felt in a long time washes over him, its been over two years since he last had a panic attack. Seeing her name has triggered it. He falls back, the back of his legs hitting his desk as he tries to keep composure.

Mike and Rachel are at his side in a frenzy.

"Harvey breathe. Deep breaths in, and out."

"Donna"

"I know Harvey, you need to calm down though, this is not the time."

"I need some time, I'll come find you." Harvey turns to face the window that looks out at the New York skyline focusing on a point in the far distance. All he could think about was the red head he hadn't seen in over two years. He had so many questions, but is he going to get the answers.

_Fin_


	4. Chapter 4

_A/N: Heavy chapter ahead, hope you all enjoy the next instalment. _

She's been in New York for less than forty-eight hours and she already feels like an outsider. Life here has moved on. She promised she would take the twins to central park to make up for their ruined family weekend. The kids enjoying being pushed by grandma Claire as she's sat wrapped up sipping on her favourite vanilla latte from the coffee shop she used to go to everyday on her way to the firm.

She felt anxious, she knew so many people in New York, she could easily be spotted. If anyone were to see her here in New York, it would spread like wildfire. He must know she's been called to the stand by now. Would he be looking for her, for them?

Donna looks over at Millie and Henry, giggling on the swings while shouting higher to their grandma.

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"Hey how about we take a detour and walk through central park." Katrina suggests as her and Rachel are on their way back to the firm.

"I could do with all the walking I can get, I feel like I've put twenty pounds on since becoming pregnant." Rachel says as she rubs her very pregnant belly.

"Might put the little kicker to bed." Both girls are giggling at Rachels comment as they stroll through central park.

Out the corner of Rachels eye she spots a lady with red locks sat on the bench in the play area, where lots of kids are running and screaming. She doesn't know why, but she has sudden sense of familiarity.

"Hey Katrina, I've just remembered I ordered a basinet from the baby boutique around the corner that I need to have shipped to the house. Do you mind going back to the firm while I go sort that. You know with us all trying to help Harvey we have had no time to do all things baby and I don't have long left."

"Yeah sure, see you at the firm."

Rachel heads off into the opposite direction to Katrina so she wasn't suspicious of her sudden change of plans.

Once Katrina's out of sight she turns and heads back towards the playground the red head still sat in the same position. Rachel's gaze follows the direction in which the red head is looking and she notices a little boy and girl on the swings. The little girl has the most gorgeous red hair and the little boy has dirty blonde hair. It doesn't go a miss though that the little girl looks a lot like Donna and the Boy, well the boy might as well be Harvey Specter.

Her intuition was right, as she rounded the play area she saw Donna staring back at her, like a deer caught in headlights, the pair of them looking between the children and themselves. They were in a stare off for what felt like forever until Donna scooted over inviting Rachel to sit down.

"I guess congratulations are in order." Donna's the first one to speak, breaking the silence between them as they sit there facing each other.

"I could say the same to you…. There's no denying they are…"

"Harvey's. Yeah." She says softly her voice trailing off at the end.

"How could you keep them from him?" Rachel says all of a sudden, the question had been wanting to break free from the moment she spotted them.

"Oh he knows, why don't you go ask him why he doesn't want anything to do with them." Donna bites back bitterly, getting up to collect the children and leave.

This was obviously a sour spot for Donna.

"Do you really think that if he knew, he would have been able to stay away from them Donna."

Donna stopped in her tracks, the thought has crossed her mind so many times. Her mother has said the same thing when she was eight months pregnant and it has crossed her mind over and over again for over two years. If he knew about them, would he have come and found her. Her heart and mind agree on this one. The answer to the all-important question always being, yes.

"Well he's answered your question hasn't he."

"Look, he hasn't mentioned it at all to any of us. Is this why you left."

"Mommy, Grandwa swaid we can have ice cweam after dinner." Henry runs up to his mother curling his arms around her leg.

"Donna please, come have dinner with me and Mike we have so much to catch up on. I swear I won't breath a word to Harvey. I just miss my bestfriend."

Donna looks between Rachel and her mother who is just about to walk up to them with Millie.

"Okay, but it will just be me. I'll see you at eight?"

"Yeah ummm, we've moved. I'd text you the address but…"

"Here, put your address in here. I'll be there."

Once Rachel had put their address in her best friends phone she promised again she wouldn't say anything to Harvey and walked back to the firm.

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"Rachel…. What's gotten into you, I've been talking for half an hour and you haven't said a word."

"Sorry Mike, what were you saying."

"No, you tell me right now what's going on is it the baby?" Mike rounded the desk to perch on her desk. Trapping her in a sense.

"Go close the door and I'll tell you."

Mike eyed her suspiciously, but followed what she had asked and closed the glass door and swiftly came and sat on his wife's desk.

"I saw Donna earlier."

"What"

"She's well. More than well. She…"

"What she's married, are we going to have to keep the old man away from her husband." Mike tries to joke but Rachel doesn't bite.

"She has children."

"Children… plural, how. No, don't tell me."

"She confirmed they are Harvey's. Even if she didn't the boy is the spitting image of his father."

"Is this why she left."

"I asked her, but we were interrupted, so I invited her to dinner tonight. I'm hoping we get more answers."

"Are the children coming?"

"No, she said it would just be her. Listen Mike, I promised we wouldn't tell Harvey."

"How can we know and keep this from him, how has she kept this from him."

"See this is the thing. She seems to think he knows."

"Would he really have ignored his children if he knew about them."

"I said the same thing, but she seemed adamant, and I believe her."

There's a knock on the glass door, and Harvey walks in Mike and Rachel look at him in shock.

"Have I interrupted something, want me to come back Robin."

"No, no. How did it go with Cahill." Mike asks with a sympathetic look on his face.

"Son of bitch has more interest in selling me out than shutting this down."

"I think it's time you pay Scottie a visit."

"I've already told you…"

"No, technically. She's the one who told Thomas and she figured it all out, so I don't see how you've broke privilege at all. So I think it's time you go remind her of that."

"We have no proof, this happened nearly 3 years ago. I don't see how I can make her believe…."

"Wow, old man. Giving up so easily. Where's the fight Harvey. I'd like to think you'd be fighting harder to clear your name."

He starts to think about the past few days and the panic rises in him once again, the last time anything this important was on the line, she was here to help him through it all. He's breathing hard and Mike notices the tell-tale signs of him having another panic attack.

"Jesus Harvey, I didn't mean… Come here sit. I'll grab you a glass of water."

Mike rushes back to him as Rachel comes closer looking on sympathetically.

"Stop fussing and go home the pair of you I'll be fine." Harvey takes the water from Mike and waves them off.

"His panic attacks are back and they seem worse." Mike hangs his head as they wait for the elevator.

"I wonder if he does know and what's making him panic about facing Donna is us all finding out the truth." Rachel ponders, her head cocked to the side looking at the man she's talking abouts name on the wall next to the elevators.

"I don't think he knows, he would never abandon his children. Right?"

"We'll soon find out."

.

.

.

There's a knock at the door two minutes to eight and they both know who it is.

"I'll get it, you set the table." Rachel continues walking towards the door to open it.

"Hi, come in."

"You look ready to pop, how long do you have to go." Donna says looking down at her best friends very pregnant belly.

"Three-weeks I hope. Although going over the due date is a possibility. Anyway enough of the standing around, someone in there is eager to meet you."

She freezes then, fight or flight coming into action. Could Rachel have betrayed her and told Harvey about her being in New York.

"Donna, Mike…. Mike is eager to meet you. Come on in."

She sags with relief at hearing Mike's name. How could she have doubted her best friend not keeping her promise.

.

.

.

They decided to eat, thinking maybe they would lose their appetites if they went into the heavy stuff first. Once dinner was over and Donna had helped Mike set the dishes in the dishwasher and they all sat on the couch, looking between each other not one of them knowing how to start.

"We want to know everything Donna, we just don't know where to start." Rachel says filling the silence that was now getting uncomfortable.

"I am mad at you for not telling me, don't think I've let you off the hook. I'm just glad you've come to have dinner with us."

"I wouldn't expect anything less Rachel. I knew you were mad but I had to do what I did."

"Why.." Mike butts into the girls back and forth.

He had been mad at Donna too, his boss had lost his best friend and his wife had lost hers and he had seen them both loose a small piece of themselves since she left.

"I… I don't know where to begin."

"How about from when you resigned. Why did you leave Donna."

"It's not that easy Mike."

"Then make it easy. Don't we have a right to know? Doesn't Harvey have a right to know about his own children."

Donna closed her eyes at the accusations coming her way. Trying to shield herself.

"I'm sick of saying this over and over. I tried to tell him, he knows. He just doesn't want to be a part of their lives. Why don't you believe me."

She chokes back a sob, shaking her head in anger at herself for letting this get to her.

"Look, I don't want to get upset over this again. Trust me when I tell you it's been hard to swallow the fact that he doesn't want to know how his children are."

"But don't you think he would have moved heaven and earth for them. Surely you can't think that he wants nothing to do with them."

"My head and heart both tell me he couldn't do such a thing. But his actions speak louder. What am I supposed to do."

"Me and Harvey slept together a few nights before I decided to resign. Louis came to me that night and told me something that made me realise, what am I doing waiting for Harvey when they he doesn't even know how I feel. So I kissed him, one thing led to another and we slept together that night. The next day he started acting out towards me, telling me it was my fault that he is now having to keep a secret from Paula. He started telling me he put me in the position of COO out of pity and that he'd made a mistake in doing so seen as my judgement sucked and he couldn't trust me anymore. His words were slowly breaking me. I knew I had lost him. I made a big mistake." Donna couldn't help the tears spill from her eyes. She'd never told anyone about this not even her mother.

"I think what finally made me realise that what happened that night was a mistake to him was when he told me he had proposed to Paula. I couldn't stay and watch him marry another woman and have the life I had finally accepted I wanted from him. So I decided to resign. The main reason I didn't come to you guys or Louis to tell you was because I didn't want anyone blaming him for my decision."

"That's the thing though Donna, everyone blamed him, still do… Louis hates his guts." Mikes revelation shocks Donna, she didn't expect them to blame him for her leaving.

"He couldn't tell us why you left, so we thought he was the reason. I mean we weren't wrong." Rachel chips in.

Donna looked down willing her tears to stop and the awkward silence was back.

"I left him a personal letter, telling him that I was sorry and that I couldn't watch him move on. So I had to leave. He found me as I was leaving New York, he begged me to stay but he couldn't give me a good enough reason to stay."

"He's always been a coward, still is. He can't even tell Paula he won't marry her." Mike says mocking his boss.

"What…"

"He hasn't married her Donna.." Rachel looks at her with sympathy evident on her face.

"Well that's none of my business, my priorities have changed." Donna brushes off the slight relief she felt from the news she heard.

"Speaking off priorities… Let's just start with their names. I want to know my niece and nephews names." Rachel beamed.

"Henry and Amelia, they are nearly three but it seems like yesterday they were still inside me and I was feeling like you are right now."

"Rachel said that they are Harvey's… are they."

"Yes."

"I mean honestly Donna, Henry looks like the spitting image of Harvey."

"He may look like Harvey but Millies the one with his temper." She chuckles recalling a fond moment.

"You said you tried to tell him…."

"I found out I was pregnant three months after my move to London, I didn't have many of the first trimester symptoms so it had gone a miss until I realised that my period was now seriously late and I couldn't keep blaming it on the move."

"So you guys live in London now." Mike asks, slight disappointment on his face as he had already started picturing the twins bonding with their child.

"Yes, I've started my own business there and it's really taken off so we're busy and happy and my mom is a god send when it comes to helping me with the twins."

Mike and Rachel just looked at each other, happy for their friend but what does this mean for Harvey.

"Look, after I found out I sent him a letter even a picture of the sonograph at the time and I kept it up, sending him updates of the pregnancy and when they were born, I sent him pictures of them with one last letter. Since then on his birthday, their birthday and father's day, I have been sending him a letter and pictures with an update on the twins. The first letter I sent after I found out told him where to find me, but he's never come looking for me and he's never responded to any of my letters or called. He does still live at his apartment right?"

Mike and Rachel are gob smacked at what they are hearing from their friend could Harvey seriously not want anything to do with them.

"You really did try…. Are trying."

Donna laughs at their bewilderment.

"To be honest I should just stop, I only do it because maybe he just wants to know how his children are doing but doesn't want to play an active role in their life. That's okay but I wish he would just tell me. They are getting older and asking more questions, it's getting harder. Why do I have to be the one that breaks their heart. It's not fair."

"Your right, it's not. Maybe you should confront him Donna. We know you've been called to the stand by Hardman. That's why you're here right."

"It's Hardman who's behind this?"

"Yes, son of a bitch has got Harvey by the balls. We can't find a way out."

"Well it's getting late, ummm thanks for the dinner tonight, it was really nice to see to you guys."

"Donna, do you think we can meet the twins." Mike looks at her hopeful.

"Yes course you can, maybe once the trial is over." Donna smiles at them before turning to head back to her hotel.

.

.

.

Donna is approaching the lobby of her hotel when her phone rings.

"Hey Don, sorry I missed your call. Did you get anything from them."

"Not much, all they said was that they've got Harvey by the balls. It's Daniel Hardman going after them. After Harvey's licence."

"You still want to go through with your plan?"

"Yes. I'll meet you tomorrow so we can talk through strategy."

_Fin_


	5. Chapter 5

_**A/N - So i have been so busy at work that this has had to take a back seat, and suddenly it's been a month since i updated, so please accept my apologies. I have had a lot written but there were parts that i found hard to piece together... but this is probably the longest chapter yet so i hope you all enjoy. Thank you for the continued support and comments on this story, it really means a lot. I must warn you all that i have not started the next chapter yet, it is very much in the planning stages and work is crazy so it may be a while until i update. Enjoy.. **_

Standing outside the courtroom frozen, Harvey stands staring at Mike. He had arrived ready to take on the ethics hearing when Hardman had come up to him and shoved past him out of anger.

"You may have got away with it this time Harvey, but next time no one is going to fall on their sword for you. You've ran out of lives." His words ringing in his ears, the case had been dismissed. But how?

"Did Scottie come through? What did that son of bitch want?" Confused as to how the case had been dismissed before it even started, Mike looks to Harvey for answers.

"I don't know, I just got here and Hardman comes up to me and says next time no one's going to fall on their sword for me, what does that mean Mike."

"So, the case has been dismissed. But how, he had us by the balls as of yesterday."

Harvey stood there motionless; he has no answers still gobsmacked at what has just happened. Someone has given him a lifeline. He can't function, did Scottie really come through for them.

"Let's get back to the firm and figure this out. I'll call Cahill see if he has any insight on it."

As they walk out of the courthouse to Ray and a car awaiting them. He spots her on the opposite side of the sidewalk, he'd never miss that red hair. She's here.

"Harvey, Ray is right over there lets…." Mike looks over to where Harvey is staring.

He's frozen once again, staring at her. It's not that he had forgotten how beautiful she was, but seeing her in the flesh does things to him, it always has.

He wants to fall to his knees when he finally notices the man who's come to stand in front of her, they are obviously having a serious conversation. Who is he, did she get married? He kisses her on the cheek and gets in the black town car and leaves her, but she isn't alone for long.

The next few minutes go by in a flash from the moment her mother walks up to her, to her bending down and engulfing two little humans in her arms. A tear rolls down his cheek and he quickly brushes it away. She's moved on, had children with another man and is living her life, oblivious to the turmoil in his. He shakes his head from the selfish thoughts he is having, he needs to get back to the firm and figure out who's saved him. She's moved on, now it's time he moves on. Maybe this is the sign he needed to take that final step with Paula.

Another car pulls up, a SUV and she gets the children in. He notices one has her hair and the other a dusty blonde but he can't make out their faces. Claire gets in the back with them while Donna rounds the car and takes the keys from the man who pulled up with the car and gets in to pull out into the mid-morning New York traffic.

He's always wondered how she was doing, now he's gotten his answer. She's fine without him.

He stops breathing, the thumping in his chest gets louder and it feels like he's having a heart attack. His throats gone dry and he's about to buckle to the ground there and then, but Mike catches him.

"Harvey…. Breath, deep breaths."

.

.

.

_Flashback – Day before the trial_

Donna steps into the coffee shop scanning the room. She spots who she's looking forward and heads towards them.

"Sorry I'm late, Henry had a meltdown this morning. I swear the older they get the more difficult its getting… kids hey."

"That's okay I've only been waiting an hour for you. Not a big deal bought you a coffee and everything it's probably cold now."

"Danny, you've been here 5 minutes, both cups are still piping hot." Donna sniggers as she sits in front of the well-dressed man. Danny always reminds her of Harvey, presentable at all times, charming and one heck of a lawyer.

"Alright, alright you've caught me." Danny puts his hands up in defeat at Donna's jab.

"Right, let's get down to business. I promised the kids I'd take them to the Empire State Building today. Any word on if our plan will work?"

"My sources seem to think that what you want to do will work, the judge should accept it as long as we can give them evidence."

"We have evidence." Donna bring the coffee mug up to her lips smirking behind it.

"Then it should work. Now, I think we go speak to the judge privately about this beforehand, so we can meet ahead of the trial time and present this to the judge. What do you say?"

"Danny, I say yes."

"Are you sure you want to do this Donna."

"Yes, Danny. This isn't just about me and you know it."

.

.

.

"Scottie, I wish I could say I came here to give you some good news." Harvey walks straight into her office in downtown Manhattan.

"Harvey, save it, I know why you're here and the answer is no. I can't help you, because that will mean…"

"Mean you end up losing your licence, well here's some news for you. You are the one who told Thomas, you are the one who should be going through this ethics hearing, you are the one who should be losing your licence. I never god damn told anyone, you figured it out all by yourself."

"I don't know what you've come here to ask me Harvey, if your asking me to admit that to a judge you know I can't."

"Can't or won't." Harvey looks at her questioning her stance.

"Harvey, I'm sorry." She rounds the corner to meet him half way.

"All I'm going to say is how could you let your husband go after me like this, are you getting back at me for something."

"I tried, trust me but he wouldn't listen he believes you're the one who broke privilege and Daniel came to him, I can't tell him to back out now…"

"Because it would mean you take the fall…. Mother fucker. All I ask is you try to talk to him." He looked at her defeated.

"Like I said Harvey, I'm sorry." Scottie reaches up to kiss him on the cheek and walks out of her office, leaving him rooted to the ground. This is it… there's no way out of this.

.

.

.  
_Present Day _

Harvey can't remember how he got back to the office. Still in a state of shock from what he had seen earlier. Mike had navigated him back to his office with Rachel and Samantha hot on their heels after hearing the news of what happened at court.

Rachel was the first to speak, the firm was shocked to hear the case had been dismissed.

"After Mike's text I got in touch with Cahill."

"Did he tell you why the case was dismissed. One minute we are drafting a press release and the next minute the trail doesn't even go ahead." Samantha asks intrigued.

"He… it was Donna."

Everyone's head turned toward Rachel as Harvey got up and walked towards her.

"What are you saying."

"I'm saying that Donna saved you. Apparently, she had asked to speak to the judge in private, explained that she was the one who broke privilege trying to protect her boss' deal at the time. She has told the judge that she made a mistake but immediately resigned to rectify what she had done and hasn't worked in a law firm since and provided evidence to back this up. The judge ruled that she has been disbarred from ever working in a law firm again and has a two million dollars to pay to Greystone Constructions as compensation for damaged reputation due to Kessler's press release and one million dollars to pay to Kessler loss of business."

Harvey was knocked back for six, he braced himself on the back of the leather couch. He doesn't think he could take another revelation but Mike jumps in.

"Harvey, there's something else we need to tell you. I don't know who the man was with Donna earlier but those two children."

"They're his right… Mike, I do have eyes. What has this got to do with anything."

"That's the thing Harvey… see we can't seem to figure out something."

"What, how babies are born, seriously Mike…" Samantha scoffs.

"What he's trying to say is, we had dinner with Donna last week. She seems to be adamant that you know." Rachel turns to Harvey with a questioning look.

"Know what, where is this going. I have no idea what you're talking about. If she told you I know about her getting married and having children, I don't. She's never contacted me." Harvey is getting agitated now, he has no idea what they are talking about. "She told us she wrote to you several times; she still writes to you." Mike looks him in the eye as he tries to get the cogs turning in his mind.

"She… why would she be writing to me. None of this is making sense now. Look I've had a long day…" Harvey tries to walk towards his desk, prepared to blank this conversation out of his mind and get back to business as usual.

"Harvey…" Mike went to stand in front of him, a soft sympathetic look on his face. He can't believe he is about to break the news to his friend like this with an audience. "Harvey. She's been writing to you since the moment she fell pregnant she wanted the father to know about his children."

Did he just say father… wait what?

"Father me… you are… is this some sick joke Mike." Harvey's eyes were welling up now.

"It's not, I've seen them. Trust me when I say they are yours Harvey. You're a father." Rachel smiles at him through her tears as she comes to join Mike's side.

"But she's never contacted me." He shakes his head not wanting to believe the words coming out of his friends mouth.

"She told us she's sent several letters while she was pregnant, a letter once they were born and since then ever year on their birthday, yours and Father's Day she sends letters with updates on them. I believe her Harvey; I know Donna wouldn't lie, not about this." Harvey knows Donna would never lie.

"Wait Rachel… she asked us if Harvey still lived at his apartment. That would mean the letters must have been going to your apartment Harvey." Mike looks at Rachel with wide eyes.

"I haven't had any letters at the apartment, Paula normally gets the….."

"She wouldn't." Samantha's hand goes to her mouth after she realises, she just said that out loud.

"I have to go…"

As he dashes towards the elevator the past twelve hours are spinning in loop in his brain. Not getting disbarred, Donna saving him, seeing Donna and finding out the children he saw with her earlier are his.

He needed answers, and he needed them now. So, his first stop was to go see the woman he's been engaged to for two and a half years, the woman he's always believed saved him. Paula.

.

.

.

"There you are, I've been trying to get in touch with you for the last four hours, how did it go? They haven't disbarred you, have they?" Paula has rounded her desk and standing in front of him, she goes to kiss him but he backs out. "What's wrong Harvey."

"The case got dismissed, I'm not losing my licence." He gives her a tight-lipped smile.

"That's great news Harvey, I knew it was just a witch hunt. Oh, we must go out and celebrate. Maybe now you'll be up for talking about our wedding now that this is all over." She goes in to kiss him again and he backs out once more.

"Harvey.. what's wrong." She backs out and looks up at him trying to read him like the psychologist she is.

"Funny thing marriage… my parents' marriage failed because my mother was cheating on my father and she hid it from him."

"I don't understand what this has to do with us, I thought you'd got over your anger towards your mother. Is this why you've been putting off the wedding for so long."

"A strong marriage is based on trust, and right now I need you to prove to me that I can trust you."

"Where is all of this coming from Harvey, I am sick of arguing with you about this. You know when you ask someone to marry you, you are meant to take the next step soon not ten years later."

"Tell me you haven't hidden anything from me Paula."

"Why would I hide anything from you Harvey."

"You're a liar." Harvey was getting frustrated with her; he's given her the perfect opportunity to confess to what he thinks she's done. If she won't confess by herself, he's going to just have to outright ask her. "Just tell me the truth Paula, have you been hiding the letters Donna has been sending me."

She's stunned. She never thought she's be caught out. How did he know about the letters? "I don't know what you're talking about Harvey." She's panicking looking anywhere but at Harvey.

"Bullshit. Mike and Rachel met with Donna; they were shocked to find out she had children. Donna told them, the twins were mine and that she's been writing to me and can't understand why I've never mentioned it to them."

"Harvey… I can explain."

"Save it. Just tell me what you've done with them."

She closes her eyes. This is the end. She's done for.

"They're in the back of the closet, somewhere I knew you would never go. In a white shoe box. I was trying to protect you…"

"Protect me… how was this protecting me god damn it. I've missed over two years of my children's lives, you call that protecting me, HOW COULD YOU?" He bellowed.

"You know what, save it. I don't want to hear your shitty excuse." He's raging, and he holds his hand out.

"The ring and your keys. It's over. I don't want to see your face ever again. I'll have someone pack your stuff and send it to you."

"You have no right to be this angry at me, you have some nerve Harvey. What about me, and how I feel. You cheated on me. The man who prides himself on being loyal. You fucked up. As for Donna, I thought she was trying to trap you so I never mentioned the letters, I knew you would leave me for them. I'm not apologising for it."

He was raging, he couldn't believe the woman he tried to have everything with was keeping such a big thing from him. He wanted to punch the nearest wall repeatedly but he has bigger priorities. Find this box and figure out what to do next.

.

.

.

He had to make himself a drink as soon as he walked through his apartment door. He made his way to the closet and found the box that Paula has stored away in the back. He couldn't muster the courage to open it. He's reminded of the night Donna left. He couldn't for the life of him open that letter and yet again he is sat paralyzed staring at the box. A box that's going to give him answers.

It was mid-afternoon and the sun light was creating a perfect halo on the box in front of him that was staring back at him on the coffee table. He took another sip and another and then knocked the last of the scotch back. What was he waiting for? Why is he such a goddamn fool.

He opens the lid and finds letters stacked inside, all of them opened. He sifts through to find the very first one and tries to tip it to slide the letter out.

He notices a small picture on the floor. As he reaches for it and turns it around his breath hitches. He doesn't know exactly what he's looking at but he knows is a sonograph. He can't stop staring at it. The first ever picture of their children. He opens the letter in his shaking hand and notices the familiar handwriting.

_Dear Harvey, _

_Ironic that I am writing to you after I told you to never get in touch with me. To be honest I don't know where to begin. I'm sure you will have already seen the sonogram and to answer your question, yes Harvey they are yours. You're the only person I have been with in the past year and I am fourteen weeks along. The same length of time it has been since that night in your office. _

_With the way both our childhoods have been, I would be carrying the weight of the world if I didn't tell you about them. So, I am here writing to you, to let you know you're going to be a father Harvey. _

_It would be unfair of me to keep you away from them, so whilst I am not looking for anything from you by writing to you, I do want you to be in their lives. I couldn't deny you that and i sure as hell couldn't deny our babies that. _

_I don't know if you have had a chance to tell Paula about that night, and again, I am so sorry if this letter has caused any further issues in your relationship. But I couldn't go on raising our children with the guilt of their father no knowing about them. I hope you can understand and forgive me. _

_I have moved to London; I don't intend on coming back to New York, I have recently found an old friend of mine who is helping me start up a new business venture here. _

_Should you wish to be a part of our children's lives, the address and my contact number are below. I'd never deny you the chance to be there for them Harvey, but I'll understand if you don't want to be there. You are starting your own family. _

_If I don't hear from you, I'll know you made your decision. _

_Donna _

A tear rolls down his cheek. A shudder running through his spine. He squeezes his eyes shut; he missed the chance to be there from the start. He wonders how Donna must have felt, never hearing back from him, what she must have gone through at the time she found out.

He fumbles through the letters to read various ones that updated him on her pregnancy, from what he's reading she didn't have the easiest ride. The part that's killed him so far in these letters where when she tells him he's having a son and a daughter and she's reassuring him in each one of how good of a father he'd be if he would just accept them.

He gets to the fourth letter, so far, he's seen his children through pictures of sonograms. These are the first pictures of his children; they look so small. He gasps when he looks at their features. Their daughter a perfect mix of him and Donna but a red head and his son more a Spectre than a Paulsen. He flicks through the pictures; he doesn't miss the fact that they are solely of the children there are no pictures of her. He can't even comprehend how Donna must have been feeling, what she has been through. He missed the birth of his children, he missed being there for the mother of his children. He's missed so much, all their firsts. He pours himself another drink. Knocking it back quickly and pouring another before opening the letter to read.

_Harvey, _

_Hope you are doing well. As you will have seen from the pictures, I have given birth. As I was a high-risk case, they are a lot earlier than normal hence why they are still so tiny. But I would like to introduce you to Henry Gordon Paulsen and Amelia Claire Paulsen, they are both healthy and well. They've had a couple of weeks in the NICU but they are fighting fit now. They have been sleeping well so far and are no trouble at all. Except for when your daughter gets hungry, she has your temper that's for sure. But my mom's been here with me every step of the way. _

_As you haven't been in touch, I assume you want nothing to do with them. So, accept this as my final letter to you. I am not accusing you of anything, I understand. I'm just disappointed. Don't worry though your children will always know you love them. _

_Donna _

He can't help the tears that stream down his face, she gave their son his father's name. She didn't have to but she did. He stares at the pictures; they look so tiny. His mind goes back to seeing Donna hoist them into the car earlier. How he should have been the one doing that, helping her raise their children. He feels helpless.

Harvey flicks through the rest of the envelops. When she said that was her final letter to him, she meant it. The rest were all cards for his birthday and Father's Day, pictures of the twins at several points in their early years. Donna has obviously written in them. The first few cards hit him hard, he held his breath as he swiped his hand over the two sets of hand prints in his birthday cards with happy birthday daddy love Gordon and Amelia written underneath, a shudder leaving him and tears roll down his face which he swipes away quickly. He's missed having birthdays with them.

Putting the box aside he pulls out his phone to see several texts from Mike.

_Harvey, Rachel has told me Donna is going to be at Jean-Georges tonight, if you haven't got any answers from Paula, as a father you have a right to know from Donna. _

_Go make it right batman, fight for them. _

_Fin _


	6. Chapter 6

_**A/N: So I've had some free time over the weekend to get a quick little update out for you, I promise not to be too long with the next part. Thank you again for all the reviews so far, believe me when I say they really help me continue to write. Someone bought up the fact that I had put Fin at the end of the last chapter. As I am writing the whole thing on one word doc it's my way of completing that chapter so no, the story is not over. Enjoy. **_

Harvey gets into the waiting black Lexus after fretting with what to do with the information Mike had sent him. He showered and got ready with a heavy heart, internally kicking himself for not choosing her at the airport, not fighting for her to be in his life when he went after her. His mind keeps going back to the moment he let her go, the way she looked at him distraught, heartbroken and tried. That's the last time he spoke to her. Little did either of them know they would soon be parents.

Straightening his tie and clearing his throat as Ray stops the car outside Jean-Georges, he closes his eyes trying to put together his words. He knows he needs one heck of a speech; better than any opening statement he's delivered in court to show Donna that he wants to be in his children's lives and her life if she'd let him.

"Harvey, Ms Agard has not arrived yet. We're in an awkward place to stop so I might have to drop you off and do the rounds to find a parking space." Harvey's eyes open at the mention of the name he has started to resent since this afternoon. A woman he should never have gone after, a woman who kept him from his children. Shit, Mike never mentioned if they would be here, what if Henry and Amelia are here, how is he going to introduce himself to them. Will they hate him. The panic in his head starts to take over, maybe this was a mistake.

"Harvey…"

"Sorry Ray, yeah, just drop me off here, by the way me and Ms Agard are no longer together. I'll walk home so you go home to your wife and kids, and here…" He pulls out five hundred dollars and passes it over to Ray. "Treat those kids of yours." "Sir I can't accept this…" "Please Ray, no questions and here..." he takes his check book out and signs a cheque for what he knows a Hermes handbag is worth "Buy that good lady of yours a nice handbag or whatever she likes on me. I keep you from seeing them more than I should do, that's going to change Ray. Enjoy your night." With that he gets out of the car and waves his trusted driver off into the night.

He walks in the direction of the restaurant, peaking inside to see if he can seek her out. This isn't a place you would bring children, maybe Mike was implying she was out for dinner with Rachel. He then spots her; sat with the man he saw her with earlier and his heart sinks. She really has moved on; and she found a father for their children. He keeps his stare locked on them sat in the corner laughing and sharing stories across the table. This is the first time he's really getting a chance to look at her, she's changed, but she's always been the most beautiful woman in the world to him.

Donna's always had the ability to sense when he is close, whether it be when she used to be his secretary or the firms COO, she knew he was in close proximity. Tonight, the feeling from earlier this morning is back and she doesn't dare take her eyes of the man in front of her, scared she's going to come face to face with the man she's never been able to stop thinking about.

The sense is growing which can only mean he's getting closer; she can't dare draw her eyes away to scan the room. Fear gripping her tightly, heart pounding in her ears, she couldn't bare to see him at a table with Paula, happily celebrating. Then the events of this morning all come back to her. She notices as Danny's eyes leave her face and are drawn to the person standing next to the table. Watching his expressions for a second, he smiles at the person and she sighs thinking it's the waiter when in fact its non-other than the one man she thought she would never see in the flesh again.

As their eyes lock on each other, the world seems to fall away. Everyone in the room has now left and it's just them in their own little universe.

She bought back to reality when Danny gets up to shake Harvey's hand.

"I know exactly who you are, Harvey Specter…. Danny Williams. It's a pleasure to meet you." Danny gives him his megawatt smile of confidence as he puts his hand out waiting for Harvey to shake it. Harvey's eyes flicker to the man in front of him, a smile that doesn't reach his cheeks on his face and a shake of the hand.

"Now you..." Danny turns towards Donna. "I'm going to finalise the payments and the rest of the paperwork and then I'll see you later?" He smiles over at her.

Harvey's face physically drops, she's leaving tomorrow. They are leaving tomorrow. But before he can think of what that means for him, he gets Danny's attention with a cough.

"Umm, if Donna doesn't mind… I'm sure you know the real circumstances. I'm guessing you were representing Donna? Ummm is it okay if you bill me for the money due." That's when Donna comes out of her trance and kicks into action.

"Harvey, thank you but I don't need you to do that." She gets up to hug Danny and smiles at him as he turns on his heel to leave. She then gathers her stuff, ready to leave but Harvey blocks her way.

"Can we talk… Please." Harvey searches her face for an answer, she doesn't have to do anything, he has no right but he needs to give her some answers and he needs some answers too.

"I don't think that's a good idea, Paula must be waiting for you." She looks over his shoulder to scan the room for the blonde.

"We actually broke up… but I'll get to that. Please can we talk somewhere in private I have so much to say to you."

She scoffs, shaking her head. "Okay, fine if you don't want to talk right now then we can arrange something. Your heading back to London tomorrow? Maybe I can fly out and we can arrange some…"

"Why now?" she interrupts his nervous babbling. "Donna…" His words are caught in his throat, why can he never tell her what he wants to say.

"Didn't work out with Paula so your trying to come and mess with our lives. Harvey, I want you to be in their lives but how dare you think you could just waltz in after not even acknowledging them. I can't put my children through this, you of all should understand."

"Stop, all I ask is I explain. I just want to talk to you and then if you deem fit, I would love to meet them. Please hear me out." He sounds defeated when he tries to cling onto anything. Tears in his eyes as he tries to convey without words how much it would mean to him just to be able to explain himself or rather explain what Paula has done.

She has this urge to wipe the tear that's fallen down his face but stops herself thinking she cannot get sucked into this, she needs to stay strong. She doesn't care about herself but she's got to be the one who weathers the storm for the sake of her children.

"Donna… Please." He's struggling, he just wants to break down and cry, drop to his knees in front of her and beg, beg for just one chance.

"Okay… I'm close by at the Hilton, just up the street maybe we can talk in the hotel bar?"

"Sure, lets hail a cab. I gave Ray the night off." He says with a small smile, turning to let her out of the booth they have been holding hostage for the past thirty mins. His hand is itching to place it on the small of her back, but he's scare of upsetting her.

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They haven't said a word since they left the restaurant. Sat in a booth at the Hilton, a waiter comes up to them to take their drinks order.

"Two Macallen's please." Harvey nods at the waiter.

"Actually, can you make it one Macallen and one Gin and Tonic thanks." Donna smiles at the waiter before giving Harvey a blank look. "I stopped drinking whiskey, since I left New York." She gives him a small smile. Harvey just nods at the piece of information, realising that things have changed and this isn't going to be simple. He's going to have to get to know her again.

"So, I asked for a chance to explain but I don't even know where to start." Harvey scratched the back of his neck nervously, gaging her reaction.

"Why don't you help me understand why you've only just chosen to want to be there?"

"Had I known about your pregnancy; trust me I would have dropped everything to be there with you."

"What do you mean, had you have known. Are you saying my letters never got to you, wait? How did you know I was at Jean-Georges tonight?"

"I saw you this morning leaving the courthouse, I thought you'd moved on, or have moved on." Harvey closes his eyes; he doesn't want to hear the answer to that question. He doesn't want to know who Danny is to her. "I got back to the office to find you saved me. Then if that wasn't the only shocking information, Mike and Rachel tell me I have two children that apparently, I knew about. They said it was bizarre I didn't know, seen as you had been writing to me and you were adamant, you'd sent me letters. I told them you never wrote to me, to which we established they had been intercepted by…"

"Paula…" Donna finishes his sentence.

"Believe me Donna, there would have been nothing stopping me from being in there for them, for you." She can see the emotions across his face, the unshed tears, the pain he is in, but she can't give in so easily to be left broken hearted to let her children face heartbreak.

"I went to speak to Paula about the letters, she told me she'd been keeping them hidden to protect me as she thought you were trying to trap me. I was so mad at her; I can't believe I was so stupid." He knocks the rest of his drink back and calls the waiter back over for another.

"I've been through every single thing you've sent, the letters the cards, I don't know what you must have been through but I should have been there, I should be there for them. God damn it…" His hands run through his hair clutching it until his knuckles go white.

"I'll never deny you the chance of being there for them Harvey, I just don't know how it's going to work right now."

"Please don't go tomorrow, stay a few more days so we can talk, I want to know everything. Then, may be if I can, I want to meet them."

"I have a very important week coming up at work that we have been building up to for some time and as much as I want to, I can't stay."

"Okay, then will you have dinner with me Thursday night?"

"Harvey, I've just said we're flying back tomorrow…" She looks at him and she can tell he is beating himself up big time. "I believe you Harvey I do, but I don't want to rush this, I can't trust you yet, I can't expose them to having you there for that to be snatched away from them."

"Thursday night in London then, I'll text you the details. Just you and me, I want to know more about them, about you. I mean it Donna when I say I want to be there. I'm going to make this right." Harvey's hand falls on hers, the first time he's dared to make a move to touch her. She doesn't let go instantly.

She wants to believe that he's serious, but only time will tell.


	7. Chapter 7

_**A/N: Happy Friday all, hope everyone is staying safe and in their homes in these unprecedented times. I am continuing to work from home just like many others, but have found some time to update amongst the whirl wind. So please enjoy this latest chapter, your feedback and reviews have really helped me develop this story so thank you all. **_

_Flashback- Wednesday Evening – SLWW _

"Hey Mike, you got a minute?" Harvey stands at the threshold of the junior partner's office.

"Sure Harvey, what's on your mind." Mike rounds his desk to sit on it and give Harvey his full attention, he's talked it out with Rachel and couldn't imagine being in this sort of situation himself. All in all, he just wants to be there for his friend.

"I urm, I need some help, or maybe I should have gone to Rachel." Harvey stands there fidgeting with his suit jacket.

"What is it Harvey, if I need to get Rachel involved, we can. Here come sit." The younger lawyer pulls out a chair for Harvey and then takes a seat waiting for Harvey.

"I saw Donna last night, I asked if I could take her out for dinner, she said that they are flying out today so I quickly said we can have dinner tomorrow night in London. I've asked Louis for some time off; I have plenty of holiday that I can take. What I'm trying to say is, I need some help. I want to buy the children some gifts, like toys and stuff but I don't know how Donna will feel about it, or if I will even get to meet them while I'm there. I want to do right by them and I want to be in the children's lives but more importantly I want Donna to know that I want to be with her. I kind of wanted tomorrow night's dinner to be a date but, I don't know where to start…"

"Woah, woah Harvey, I've never known you to ramble so much. You think about this anymore your heads going to explode." Mike chuckles at the older lawyer.

"I knew this was a bad idea, sorry I bothered." Harvey went to rise when Mikes hand came to push him back into his seat. "Hey man, sorry. Look, I think you need to take things slow; see tomorrows dinner as just a that, a dinner. Get to know her again, it's been so long there are things that have changed in both of your lives. Just remember, she's never going to stop you from being in your children's lives she's made that clear from the start. You just didn't know it till now." Mike gives him a small smile, giving Harvey advice about women was something he never thought he would have to do.

"Your right, I've just never pursued a woman like this before. Donna to be exact, she's not just some woman. She happens to be the mother of my children." Harvey looks defeated, if only he had just stopped her in that airport. The thought has been occurring to him for the past forty-eight hours.

"How about we just go look for some stuff the kids will like first for which I think Rachel will be helpful, especially for all the girly gifts. Then maybe me and Rach can prep you, give you some ideas. We all know Donna is a tough nut to crack."

.

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_Present Time_

Harvey sits in the departures lounge early the next morning, two stuffed animals he saw last night during his shopping trip with Mike and Rachel by his side. As he went to check his bags in, the flight attendant had noticed him clutching the soft light blue and green dinosaur and light pink mouse dressed up as a ballerina and asked if he was going home to see his kids.

He's been stuck there since. Unable to function, he checked his bags in, in a daze state and the flight attendant even apologised for saying something wrong. He found his gate and sat down, and starts thinking back to the last time he had been this nervous, probably when he was going to Boston to meet his mother after all the years of estrangement. He hugs the soft toys slightly tighter. He's not even told his mom she's a grandmother yet nor his brother that he's an uncle.

Taking a shaky breath, he takes his phone out, he had sent Donna a text last night to confirm he was going to take her out to the Aqua Shard tonight for dinner. He thumbs over the reply she sent hours ago, _I look forward to it Harvey, have a safe flight. _He then pulls up his contacts and scrolls between his mom's phone number and his brothers, who does he call first. He decides he owes it to his mother to tell her first. He hits dial with a sigh wondering how he is going to even start this conversation.

"Harvey, it's good to hear from you." He could hear the smile through the phone, he talks to her often but recently he just hasn't had the time.

"Mom, how are you?"

"I'm good son, how are you? How's Paula? You two need to make it down here for thanksgiving again this year, we sure had a lot of fun last year." The reminder of Paula temporarily knocks him. It's his mother's voice to asking if everything's okay that brings him out of his head.

"Yeah mom everything's okay." Harvey closes his eyes; nothings okay he's just lying through his teeth. His mother picks up on his tone and catches him out. "It doesn't seem like everything okay Harvey, talk to me."

"Mom I…. I don't know how to say this." He gets up to pace along the windows planes have been coming and going since he's been sat waiting to board.

"What is it, your scaring me Harvey."

"Mom, when I first got with Paula, I thought that she was finally the one. I thought she knew what I needed, and could recognise my feelings and was the one who was there for me during the darkest of times in my life. What I'm trying to say is, I was so wrong Mom. She was never any of that. In fact, what she recognised is that my heart belonged to another but kept me to herself out of her own selfishness."

"Your heart belonged to Donna didn't it son." He could tell she was treading carefully with her question. She didn't want to say something that would shut this free flow that she rarely got to see from Harvey.

"Yes…. Mom I've fucked up." His eyes water up as he admits this out loud. Maybe the first time he has acknowledged that he's screwed up. "We had a moment two and half years ago, she kissed me and I kissed her back, it went so beyond just a kiss that night. When I came to my senses, I realised I had cheated on Paula. You know how I feel about that, heck Donna knows how I feel about cheating. So, I took it out on her blamed her for it all, mom I was so horrible to her."

"Is that why she left." Lily's heart was now breaking for him, he was clearly in so much pain and she couldn't do anything to sooth him.

"Yes, she couldn't bare to watch me move on with Paula. I went after her but I was an idiot, I didn't stop her. I didn't tell her that I am so in love with her that it's hard to breath without her." Tears are now flowing down his cheek as he looks out at the jet that is slowly being wheeled onto the tar mac in front of him moving further away from him. "I think I've lost her Mom, I think I've lost the chance to have everything with her." He places his hand on the window in defeat.

"What makes you say that son. Has she moved on?" A flashback to the night he saw her at the restaurant in downtown Manhattan flashes through his mind who was that guy to her.

"I think so, even if she hasn't, she's never going to want to be with me. Not after everything that's happened."

"What's happened, did you tell her how you feel has she rejected you?" Lily could roll her eyes at the way her boy is talking in riddles.

He continues to tell his mom about the past couple of weeks and how he nearly lost his licence but Donna saved him. He tells her how he noticed her with two children outside the courthouse and driving away.

"She's moved on huh, oh I am sorry Harvey." She's crying now, she's always thought that she'd ruined Harvey's life with some of her choices but to now hear of some of the ramifications from the damage her little boy has faced, it hurts.

"Mom the children, they are mine." There it is, what he wanted to tell her all this time is now out. His mom has suddenly lost the ability to speak so he continues.

"I got back to the office after the hearing was called off, Mike and Rachel told me that Rachel had seen her in the park a few days ago and had invited her to dinner. Donna had explained to both of them that she had written to me when she found out she was pregnant and has been doing since. I didn't believe them at first, but then it all came together."

"What came together, Harvey this is not making any sense. She said she wrote to you, surely you would have received them." Lily had now started pacing the room.

"That's what Donna seemed to think too. But I didn't receive any of them. It didn't take us long to figure out why."

"Why, Harvey…."

"It was Paula mom; she hid the letters from me." His hurt turns to anger as he relays his final time he spoke with Paul and his discovery of the letters and pictures.

"Harvey, what are their names. When can I meet them? Oh my gosh, I'm not prepared for little ones anymore Hayley and Jack are older now, I'll need to get some toys…"

"Mom slow down" Harvey chuckles at his mother's excitement. "Their names are Amelia and Henry and I've not even met them yet. He shakes his head at the thought.

"What do you mean you've not met them yet." Lily stops pacing waiting for Harvey to answer. "I met Donna last night, we talked. She knows that I've only just found out about the twins and I want to be there for them but she's apprehensive. Quite rightly so. So, I've decided I'm going to play it on her terms, when she's ready for me to meet them I will." As he starts talking about the prospect of getting to see his children, he is drawn back to the soft toys he's bought them.

"You promise, you'll bring them to Boston so I can meet them. Oh, you must send pictures."

"There's a lot we need to talk about, Donna moved to London after she resigned at the firm, so right now I don't know how it's going to work. I want to be in their lives but, right now I can't promise you that I'll be bringing them to Boston any time soon."

"Well, it looks like you've got your work cut out. Okay how about you promise me this instead. Make it up to her, it's clear to me how much you love her Harvey, and son, your going to make a great father. I'll travel the world to see my grandchildren if I have to." Her comments make him laugh.

"Hey mom I think it's time for me to board my flight. I'll speak to you soon okay."

"Good Luck son."

He thought he'd just have a quick call with his mother and then move onto his brother, but he decides he's going compose a message to send before take-off and hopefully his mother can fill him in. As he hits send on the plane, he looks down at the two soft toys he hasn't been able to keep out of his sight since last night then looks out of the window watching as JFK passes them on their taxi to the runway. He has no idea when he will be back in New York but his main focus right now is to make things right.

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_London 4 hours ahead _

Donna nervously taps away on her computer; they are ridiculously busy this week due to fashion week events. Once again, this year Donna has landed huge events from top designers wanting Paulsen Events to host a range of runway shows and after parties. Valentino has sent her a personal invitation for tonight's after party but she declined, sending her number two and head of marketing instead.

Anna her number two was shocked, Donna has been so excited about the invitation months ago. Valentino had also sent her the perfect dress for tonight, so for Donna to miss this is big. To Anna's disappointment, Donna downplayed any hints of a date and blamed it on jet lag telling her and Marco to enjoy their night on the town. She had no intention of telling her about Harvey. Not yet anyway. She needs to figure it all out before she can let people know that the father of her children is back in her life.

She's talked to her mom at great lengths about this while on their flight home last night. Claire trying make Donna see that he's already proving that he's working on building a relationship. Donna brushed it off with the comment that Claire has always loved Harvey. She knows she's right with what she's doing, she needs to see if Harvey's intentions are right. Heck she doesn't have anything figured out and she sure can't put two innocent children between their mess. She needs to make sure Harvey wants to be in their lives for good, she couldn't care less if they had a relationship or not. Right now, all she's hoping is that they can get back to being friends at least.

She shakes her head at the thoughts floating round her head. Whatever happens tonight she is going to lay it all out in the open.

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_That evening in London _

Harvey had landed and checked himself into the Hilton hotel, his secretary had booked it for him as it was close to the restaurant, he had picked for him and Donna tonight. He had researched where she lived in London, Kensington seemed farther out than he thought but his secretary; having been to London recently herself reassured him that it's not that far on the tube to the Shard.

He didn't have long to get ready but, he took a quick shower to get rid of that plane feeling and cleared his head talking himself up for the night ahead. He's been itching to call Mike for reassurance but has backed down each time. You can do this; that's his mantra at the moment. He pulls out the navy-blue suit he bought with him specifically for this dinner and gets ready.

As he fixes his tie in the mirror his eyes land on the soft toys on top of his bed and it's like they know what he's going through as one look at them gives him perspective over what he needs to do. He gives himself a silent nod in the mirror and goes to put the soft toys in a gift bag and heads out.

As he's walking towards the Shard his phone buzzes and he stops in his tracks annoying some regular commuters on their way to London Bridge station. He ignores the earlier text from Marcus and goes straight in for Donna's.

_Hey, not heard from you since yesterday are, we still meeting tonight? I am running slightly late but would appreciate you letting me know if you're here in London or not. If you've changed your mind it's okay, I get it. Just tell me so I can at least get home in time to tuck the twins in for the night. _

Fuck he thinks. He's already fucking up. He closes his eyes and composes himself before typing back.

_Course I'm here Donna, I meant what I said the other night. I'm heading to the restaurant now. I'll see you in a few. _

He picks his pace up to the nearby flower stall and seeks out their best bouquet of lilies for her and heads on his way. He can't be fucking up anymore, time to be the father his children need and the man he's always wanted to be for Donna.


	8. Chapter 8

_Hi Guys, I am so sorry it has taken me this long to update. The lockdown has made me loose motivation to do a lot of things, continuing with this fanfic is one of them. To be honest I don't feel like I have done this chapter justice, but I do hope you all enjoy this latest chapter. I hope to update sooner this time._

_Course I'm here Donna, I meant what I said the other night. I'm heading to the restaurant now. I'll see you in a few. _

She thumbs over the text once more before she reaches London Bridge station and gets off the tube heading towards the Shard. As she's riding the elevator up her phone pings once more, when she looks down her mom has sent her a picture of the twins all ready for bed which makes her smile. She reads the words underneath carefully; she's always taken advice from her mother and she's been the rock she never thought she needed all this time.

_I know your doing this for the two angles you both created, so this is just a reminder of what your going there to achieve tonight. As much as I love Harvey. You do what you think is right, after all you are their mother. They'll be fast asleep by the time you get home so take your time. Mom _

The elevator dings taking her attention away from her phone and she lets out a sigh, fixes her hair in the metal reflection before she heads off the elevator and strides towards the front of house at the threshold of the restaurant.

"Hi, there should be a reservation under a Mr Harvey Specter." She gives the front of hour a small smile as he looks down at his list of reservations to find the table.

"Ah, yes Mr Specter is already here, I will show you to your table. Follow me."

He doesn't hear them approach, Donna gives the waiter a nod in thanks and just looks at the man in front of her looking out across a dark night in London.

"Quite the view huh." Her voice brings him back from his thoughts, he's missed her voice. He attempts to get up to greet her, but she swiftly sits in front of him, her attention going to the city outside just like his a few minutes ago.

"You know I thought nothing could beat the view of New York from up above, but this really is something." His attention turns towards the city once again, god damn he couldn't be more nervous.

Their awkward silence is filled by the shuffling of the waiter once again, asking for a drinks order.

"I'll have a Macallen 18, Donna what do you want?" For a second Donna forgot it was just a drinks order, she thought Harvey was asking her what she wanted from him.

"Donna..."

"Sorry, can I just have gin and tonic please?" She gave the waiter a small smile, before he turns to get their drinks.

"So, I don't really know where to begin… but, here these are for you and I bought something for the kids, if you could give them these?" He passes the lilies he bought not long ago and the soft toys he's been hanging onto since he bought them yesterday with Mike and Rachel.

"Harvey, you didn't have…"

"No Donna, I did. I hope they like them." He gives her a sad smile and curt nod, but she accepts his gifts. I guess that's a start.

The waiter comes back with their drinks order and takes their food order and once again they are sat looking at each other like two teenagers on a first date waiting for the other to make a move.

"I was in London, three weeks when I found out about the twins. That night I called, you'd have been home, I assumed so I called, and someone picked up, but it was silent. I guess now I know it must have been Paula. At the time I thought maybe you didn't recognise the number, but when I tried the next day it seems my calls were blocked. So, I tried the office, looks like she got there somehow too as my calls were blocked. My last resort was to write to you, but when you never replied… I got the message. For so long I thought it was you…" Tears spring to her eyes, she doesn't want to look vulnerable in front of him, but she can't help it, the inner turmoil she's been going through for the past two and a half years, her own mother doesn't know the extent of it.

"I just want to make one thing clear, and I know you know. If I had known, there would have been nothing stopping me from being here every step of the way. I've missed so much time, time I'll never get back with them. So many firsts, it's eating me alive Donna."

"I'm sorry, in my heart I knew, I knew you would have but with the way things were left off, you made your choice."

"You could have flown back to New York, confronted me. Heck when did you stop calling me out on my bullshit."

"The day you chose her, I couldn't come between that. You know I've always wanted to see you happy." A tear falls from her eye and she's quick to wipe it away looking into his glossy eyes.

"I don't think I'll ever be happy without you by my side." He doesn't blink trying to gage her reaction, she goes to take a sip of her drink before speaking but he gets there first.

"I think over the past few days, I've come to realise why I've been putting off marrying Paula. In my heart I knew it was wrong. My heart already belonged to you."

"I did come back. My father died while I was 15 weeks pregnant, me and mom flew back to Connecticut and from there I had some final business to handle in New York with my apartment. I thought I'd pay you a visit out of hours but when I got out of the cab to head up, you and Paula were coming out of the building. I'd never seen you so happy. So, I made an exit before you could catch sight, it was clear she had no clue of what had happened between us. From that day onwards, I decided to just let you go and accepted that our children would never have a father." She tried to hide her tears by looking out over the place she now calls home, but Harvey's gaze never left hers, he needed to know everything how she felt ever step of the way so that he could make this right.

"I'm sorry, I didn't know about Jim passing Donna." His hand comes to rest on top of hers on the table, his thumb slowly grazing the soft skin before she pulls away.

"He was ready to come over and murder you." She goes onto tell him about her parents finding out that she was pregnant with Harvey's children, but he had moved on with another woman and their daughter was on the other side of the North Atlantic Ocean because of his actions. How her father was ready to shoot him for abandoning her and his grandchildren, and how she stopped him from ever contacting him.

"Mom came to live with me once dad passed away and she was a great help, with me starting a new business and the complications during my pregnancy." She goes to looking out of the window again trying to hide from his questioning gaze.

"Complications, Donna…"

"As I was on the wrong side of thirty, and with twins I had to be monitored constantly in the latter stages and I had gestational diabetes. I was on bed rest from my thirty-third week, but I am grateful for all that time as it helped me plan and get on my feet properly and concur this place, I call home." She smiles weakly at him; she hates thinking about how difficult her pregnancy was, from the severe morning sickness in the early stages to being on bed rest until she was taken in for a C section two weeks before the twins were due date and how petrifying the whole experience had been.

Even if it is small, this insight has Harvey hating himself for not being there to take care of her. He's always thought he'd never be able to repay the woman who sits in front of him for all she's done for him over the years but now, even if he was given more than one life time with this woman, it wouldn't be enough.

"What made you name Henry after Gordon?"

"He wasn't just special to you Harvey; he held a special place in my heart too. From his music to his phone calls and our weekly chats. I thought that if you'd have been here, you'd want to honour your father and that I would most likely have agreed with that."

With a nod, Harvey falls into thought. He never really thought about children or having any of his own, but he knew that if he did, he would honour his father in some way.

"Harvey, if I may, I want to make one thing clear. As their mother I have their best interest at heart even if that means protecting them from their father. If you want to be in their life, I don't want some half-hearted commitment, they don't deserve that. You have to be all in. Now, I have reservations about this. We live here and you live in New York so I don't see how it can work and believe me, I want nothing more than them to have you in their life."

"If you let me I'll move, I want to be there for them, to go to every production they are in to watch dance recitals to take Henry to museums and sporting events, I mean there's no baseball here but we could get into football."

"But I don't want you to make the decision to leave everything you built there for them. What if you resent it, or more me for placing this ultimatum so to speak before you."

"I could never resent you." He shakes his head at her, how could she ever think that.

"Seemed like you did back then."

The waiter comes back with their food in that moment, neither of them register the thank you that leaves their mouths at the same time, too busy staring at each other.

"You left everything, your friends, family, your job, your life in New York to build one here, if I can't even consider doing the same." He shakes his head.

"I've spoken to Louis and Robert about taking some time off, they suggested maybe a sabbatical given the circumstance. I haven't told them how long yet as I didn't know how this would go and if you'd send me packing. But I want to use this as an opportunity to see how I would fit into their life, your life if you'd let me."

"Harvey…"

"You know I'm never going to stop trying. This past week has shown me what I've lost. Most of my success is down to you, without you it means nothing. If leaving New York means being here with you, with the twins. I'll do it in a heartbeat. I may need to go back to college to retrain in UK law but I'd do it."

"This is a lot of take in and think about."

"I'm not asking for you to make a decision, I want to show you I'm here through actions not words. So, I am going to ask Robert for a few months off, this will give me time to think everything through. Get to know the twins, help you with their routines, explore this city and look at my options, and maybe if you… maybe we could um you know, get to know each other again. Maybe do this more regularly. Obviously only if you want to, I want to do everything on your terms."

They'd been so engrossed; they hadn't realised that their plates had been cleared and the bill was being presented by the waiter asking if they will need the card machine. Harvey presents his card telling her it's on him, just like old times. Before he can ask her if she wanted to go to a bar close by an continue their talk, she interrupts him.

"I better get going, relieve mom of babysitting duties. Hey, why don't you um… hang onto these." She hands him the bag back that houses the toys he so carefully picked out. He starts to panic, his heart going a mile a minute. Had he not made himself clear during the meal that he really wants to be in their life.

"You can give them to Millie and Henry yourself if your free Saturday."


End file.
